Pink Envelope

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the
pastor of the Granville Catholic church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"

The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; What does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."

Too Old to Squat

Once upon a time, there was a little old man that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles everyday. One morning he looked in the mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed he was suntanned all over except for his penis. He decided to do something about it. He promptly went to the beach, completely undressed, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis.

A little later two elderly ladies, one walking with a cane, happened by. When she saw this thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane.

She said to her friend, "There ain't no justice in this world."

Her friend asked her what she meant.

Well, she said: "When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat!!!

The Old Man

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is very embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk....the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

“There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

I can't piss out of it," he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter. Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!