You might be a Redneck if . . .

If you go to the drive through at the tobacco store on a riding lawn mower, pulling your mother in a cart, while she sits in a rocking chair wearing a night gown.

I would not have believed this if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. I took this picture Friday evening at the Tobacco Corner store here in downtown Morrilton.

Tony Kirby

Morrilton, AR

Never Question a Drunk

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
half-gallon of 2% milk
carton of eggs
quart of orange juice
head of lettuce
2 lb. can of coffee
1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

Side by Side

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck... get the fuck away from me."

Why It's Better to be the Boss