Riddle

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you . What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

For the answer click here.

Dumb Crook

This is great. This guy is so stupid, it's funny.

Little Johnny

Little Johnny, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

You gotta love this kid.

Redneck Sleigh

Redneck sleigh, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Sexy Chic

Sexy Chic, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Christmas Party

christmas party, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Flys

Flys, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Reindeer

Reindeer, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Dill doe

Dill doe, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Bad Morning

Under the Mistletoe

Lifesavers

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers. The children began to say:

"Red, cherry . . . yellow, lemon . . . green, lime . . . orange, orange,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers. After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," she said, "I'll give you all a clue; It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit out her Lifesaver and yelled: "Oh my God! They're assholes!"

Christmas Tree Cartoon

Christmas Tree Cartoon, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Redneck Time Out

RedneckTimeOut, originally uploaded by velarie2112.

Thoughts for Men

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cru ise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!


Gotta love that fairy!!!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Kids

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, cratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his weenie hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."