The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton

The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton (HRC) are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.

Hillary Jogging

Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland.
Hillary said, "No problem, I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane."

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
Hillary said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!"
Hillary was a little perplexed by this and said, "But you don't look like you're handicapped."

The kid said, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning."

Septic Tank Sign

Gators

Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't unnerstand how you kin be so much bigger'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', boy?"

"Politicians, same as you," replied the small 'gator.

"Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?"

"Down 'tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol."

"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"

"Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a politician, there ain't nothin' left but an asshole and a briefcase."