Fire-Rescue Memorandum

Office of the Fire Chief

  To:        All Riding Members
  From:      Chief of Operations
  Subject:   Proper Narrative Descriptions

  It has come to our attention from several emergency
  rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly
  creative direction lately.

  Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from
  using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such
  as the following.

   1. Cardiac patients should not be referred to with
              MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape),
              PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before,
              got it again).
   2. Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor
              are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for
              Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
   3. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to shit),
               FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch)
              or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a
              car crash do not have to include phrases like
              "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal
              deceleration syndrome."
   4. HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals,
              not "glow worms."
   5. Persons with altered mental states as a result of
              drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
   6. Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital
              implants."
   7. The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is
              endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC
              Challenge".
   8. And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons
              as being "paws up," "ART" (assuming room temperature),
              "CC" (Cancel Christmas), "CTD" (circling the drain),
              or "NLPR" (no long playing records).

           I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural
           diversity of our patients to include their medical
           orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries.